The Human Condition

Last night I went to sleep feeling overwhelmed, confused, homesick, lonely, and that I may have endowed myself with a prison sentence.  Rather than dwelling in my desperate feelings I decided at 4 AM to analyze why exactly I was experiencing these emotions. 

Three days ago I landed at Incheon Airport in Seoul, South Korea and took a taxi to the JEI Institute to immerse myself in teacher training.  After spending the night in a college dorm, the ESL teachers woke up to be sent to the hospital to have a medical examination.  At around 1 PM we were fed for the first time, and then continued to take classes until 8 PM.  Basically this is our schedule for the next 6 days.   Also, the food being served is traditional Korean cuisine, but cafeteria style.  Rice, kimchi, broth, fried fish, vegetables, beef, cinnamon tea (one day I will learn the actual names of the food). 

Growing up I used to despise summer camp; you were forced to be in a place for about a week without access to loved ones, sleep in an unknown location, eat not so good food, and participate in activities (essentially against your will).  This institute resembles that same feeling.  I realized that I was not necessarily feeling down and out because I am 6,000 miles away from home, but because I am in a place that I have never enjoyed. 

Next Friday, August 30 my co-teacher Mr. Oh will pick me up from the JEI Institute and take me to my apartment in Gongju.  I am really eager for this meet up to learn about my colleague and teacher!  Once I arrive in Gongju I will be able to establish a routine and enjoy the simple pleasures from back home that I will not necessarily have at the institute.  It is good to be without the things we love the most, because we are not entitled to them, and it teaches us to truly not take them for granted. 

I continue to think back to my first week of graduate school and how the SAME helpless emotions overcame me.  I wanted to quit and relieve myself of the self-inflicted drudgery.  In a matter of weeks I met new friends, was impassioned by my coursework, and felt alive.  I am certain that once I begin teaching at my high school and start adjusting to the Korean culture I will feel that I made the right decision.  While the feelings are uncomfortable, they will pass and fortunately in six days.  This is the human condition; to roll around in discomfort, cling on to something greater than oneself, and to arise as a more humble and empowered person.  Back home in the States I felt parched and dehydrated for a new experience, well now I have it, and I am not going to let small annoyances or lack of comfort food cripple me. 

P.S. I hope I don’t sound like an entitled brat – these are just raw, honest feelings!